Basis of behavior, “lifestyle” of the person laid in early childhood

In the last decades of the twentieth century has greatly increased the interest in the child as to the developing person. Modern society increasingly became concerned about not only the mental and physical development of children, but also question the mental health of future generations.
In this regard, it should be noted the study of foreign and domestic psychologists that confirm that the basis of behavior, “lifestyle” of the person laid in early childhood. The world around us, with the original inconsistency, leaves its mark on the psyche of the child, which in turn is a small reflection.
Society carries with it certain responsibilities, which influence the norms and forms of life.
Being dependent on aid society, every child finds himself face to face with a world that gives and takes, which requires adaptation to itself, but at the same time satisfies the living requirements of the child. The satisfaction of instincts of the child interfere with obstacles, collision with which painful. We can say that his mind is born in situations of childhood that require integration in order to allow a normal life.
Thus, because of their inexperience, the soul of a child forced to be in a state of selection of the most acceptable ways of interacting with the world. This choice always involves an internal struggle, a conflict of motives, desires, interests, conscious and unconscious levels, with the aim of eliminating painful, interfere with normal development, contradictions.
The problem of occurrence of internal conflicts has interested many researchers of the human psyche (K. Maslow, K. Levin, D. Skinner, N. Miller, V. N. Myasishchev, A. I. Zakharov, etc.) But the most complete description of the development of the child’s psyche, based on its inherent conflicts, have produced such famous psychologists as Sigmund Freud, C. G. Jung, A. Adler, K. Horney. In these theories the basis for intrapersonal conflict is the category of contradiction, internal strife and the concept of psychological protection (overcoming the conflict), resulting in a flow associated with negative feelings.
Many authors are inclined to see the cause of conflicts in adverse situations, in which there is a formation of the personality of children; the disparity between the attitude of parents towards psychophysiological features and personal characteristics of children, which in turn is a constant source of mental stress and can lead to mental strain, to personal development of the neurotic.
Neuroses in children – the most common type of neuropsychiatric pathology. As psychogenic diseases emerging personality disorders in affective-pointed form reflect many of the problems of human relations, first of all understanding and communication between people, searching for his “I”, the best ways of self-expression, affirmation, acceptance and love. Originally neuroses are emotional disorder, that occurs mainly in conditions of disturbed family relationships, learn more on aspects of international adoption programs. The increase in the number of neuroses in adults, primarily the parents, affects the increase in the number of neurosis children, creating a kind of vicious circle, to break which is possible only by the simultaneous provision of effective and affordable psychotherapy and psychoprophylactic assistance to all its participants provided for the post by International Adoption research blogger and columnist.
Outline some of the ways that can be done psychotherapeutic work related to intrapersonal conflictof children.
Form of metaphor in which the tale is most accessible to the child. This makes it attractive for work aimed at correcting, training and development.
Under skazkoterapiya correction refers to the systematic strengthening of a potentiality and creative abilities, through which there is the overcoming of problematic elements. Skazkoterapiya correction eliminates legislative change negative behaviours. Instead, it is proposed the principle of “expanding the range of alternative reactions.” That is, a person in a fabulous form is offered a variety of models of behavior in different situations and given the opportunity to play, “live” as much as possible of these models. Experience shows that the more a person Arsenal possible reactions, patterns of behavior, the better he adapted to the conditions of the surrounding world.
Observation D. a Pennebaker and co-authors that literary activity helps to overcome the effects of mental trauma, in some measure true regarding fine art.
Fine art allows you to achieve a state of psychological comfort, while the artist turns to the audience. Regardless of whether the child is engaged in literary creativity, draws or says, he carries out the “translation” information from emotional to cognitive level. Simultaneously with this change his attitude to the past traumatic experience and their mental deficiencies learn more on International Adoption Ukraine share you views and experiences.
For therapeutic purposes use game that helps to “play” baby its internal conflicts. It is assumed that “the spillover of emotions through play in a safe atmosphere will reduce the child’s anxiety level, and it will be easier for them to adapt to normal social requirements.
The game is most widely used in the treatment of anxious children. Some psycho coming from a variety of theoretical approaches that seek to explain the essence of conflict that occur in it; others use the game as a form of social learning, as a means to “lose” the difficulties as a way to establish friendly relations as a type of situation that can be severe, for the reorientation or retraining. Their objective is to make the child “better”.
Psychotherapeutic methods and techniques can be used individually and in combination. It all depends on the creative direction of the child, of his temperament, the nature of his personal problems. The main thing – time to identify alarm condition of the child, to assess the risk and identify ways of overcoming the psychological discomfort.

School psychologist with adolescents

In this article we want to talk about the work of the school psychologist with adolescents. How should this work: group, individual? And is there any optimal solution to this problem?
Adolescence some special period, with its difficulties and laws. Moreover, this crisis period is the most time-consuming. In this period the main task of adolescents is vital self-determination in matters: what to do? and who to be? Active personal search and experimentation in various roles. Clear gender polarization in the forms of interpersonal behavior. The worldview formation. Search its social role in the group. This must be taken into account when working with adolescents.
What difficulties met by the teenager on the path of self-determination? When the child begins to interact with existing public values, he begins to compare his behavior with some “samples”. These “samples” to give him immediate environment: parents, teachers, caregivers and other meaningful adults and peers.
Working in schools with teenagers, we came to the conclusion that with the emergence in the consciousness of the child the discrepancy between actual behaviour and offer examples of negative attitudes are formed, how the proposed values, and to himself. The child begins to experience difficulties in relationships with others, which lead to certain forms of social maladjustment, increasing the chance to get into the risk group. It is very important to provide these guys just psychological support, to teach them the right attitude towards yourself and others.
However, it is well known that, even if they experience difficulties, not every teenager will go itself to the psychologist. How to help Teens? You can organize seminars on matters of interest. You can conduct individual lessons of psychology on a specific topic, the most relevant in this age. Each of you has personal experience of similar works provided for the post by International Adoption research blogger and columnist.
From our point of view one of the best options is an organization working with teenagers in the training groups. It’s a game, and at the same time. As already mentioned, teenagers do not often come to a psychologist with their problems themselves. Even more rarely, they try to solve their problems, if the handle has led parents or teachers. And when attending training in the peer group, they feel safe, they feel more comfortable. On the one hand, and possible problems to work on, it does not stand out among others.
Mental problems, difficulties of communication and understanding, the perennial question about the meaning of your own existence and things of concern not only to adolescents. But in adolescence, these questions begin to arise. Therefore, the organization of work for young persons in groups of psychological training so important in adolescence. It is a modern answer to the eternal questions of the human soul. He’s not the only and not absolute. But someone will help. Anyway, guys, past good psychological training, always be a little different.
Personal development is the recognition and realization of the unique opportunities available to each person. People are born equal, but different. Respect of the identity of the person, cultivating its uniqueness, corresponding to his nature and consistent with the highest moral, spiritual values, fostering positive relationships of the child to himself and the surrounding world – all this should be the main principle when working with teenagers at a training class, learn more on aspects of international adoption programs.

     Objectives of training can be quite diverse, reflecting the versatility of the processes. Relying on the opinion of renowned experts, highlight common goals, uniting different in focus and content of the training groups:

• the study of the psychological problems of members and assist in their solution;
• improving subjective well-being and mental health promotion;
• the development of self-awareness and self-examination of the participants for correction or prevention of emotional disorders on the basis of internal and behavioral changes;
• the study of effective ways of interpersonal interaction to create the Foundation for a more harmonious communication with people;
• facilitating the process of personal development, realization of creative potential.

As you can see, the objectives of the training addressed a range of issues.
Of course, in the organization of training workwith adolescents in the school setting, there are a number of difficulties. We will consider three main ones:

• First, it is the time aspect. A number of group activities can be done in one lesson. But training implies a long time of systematic training, each with one side often lasts more than one lesson, with another requires systematic visits. In training hours allocated for lessons, such lessons are not provided. After school to organize children for training is not always easy. Guys in a hurry about their business. Besides tired from practice. This complicates the organization of visits of the training.
• Secondly, the motivational aspect. Many Teens believe that they do not need such lessons. But from the interest of boys in these classes directly depends on the organization of the training themselves, and thus help many children in solving problems.
• Thirdly, resistance and protective reactions of the teenagers in class. Actually, this happens when playing with any group, as a stage of team development. But in adolescence is more pronounced.

The question of how necessary when working with adolescents group work (training lessons, or other), is associated with understanding, who has group form in comparison with an individual.
Follow the author of the book “the basic technology of group training. Psycho” Vaccuum I. V. will list the benefits of psycho-corrective and psychotherapeutic work in groups, highlighting their essence:
1. Group experiences prevents exclusion, helps to solve interpersonal problems. Working in the group the teenager finds that his problems are not unique, and that others experience similar feelings. For many, such a discovery in itself is a powerful psychotherapeutic factors. And as response of the circuit ibaigane unproductive teenager myself with their difficulties.
2. The group reflects the society in miniature, makes it clear such hidden factors as the pressure of partners, social influence and conformity. In fact in the group is modeled by a system of relations and interactions characteristic of real life participants. And then is a good life school.
3. A person in the group can learn new skills, to experiment with different styles of relations among equal partners. If in real life such an experiment always entails a risk of misunderstanding, rejection and even punishment, the training group act as a kind of “psychological ground” where you can try to behave differently than usual, to “try on” new behaviors, to learn a new way to relate to himself and others – and all this in an atmosphere of goodwill, acceptance and support.
4. In a group participants can identify themselves with others, to “play” the role of another person to better understand him and myself and to discover new effective ways of behavior used by someone.
5. The possibility of getting feedback and support from people with similar problems. In real life, not all people have the chance to get a sincere, non-judgmental feedback that allows you to see your reflection in the eyes of other people who understand the essence of your experiences, because they themselves are experiencing the same thing.
6. The interaction in the group creates the tension that helps to clarify the psychological problems of each. At the same time, psychological stress in a group can (and should) play a constructive role, the facilitator’s role is not to let stress get out of control and destroy productive relationships in the group;
7. The group facilitates the process of self-discovery, self-exploration and self-discovery. Otherwise than in the group, otherwise than through another person, of these processes is fully possible. Opening oneself to others and opening yourself to allow yourself to understand themselves, change themselves and improve self-confidence.
A healthy person is not only a life without diseases. It is a healthy attitude to yourself and to others, the ability to quickly and to adapt well to the changing conditions of life, harmonious relationship with oneself.
The feeling of stability of self and identity another important condition of internal well-being and establishing normal relationships with other people. If any important for communicating with people forms the identity was not stable, it is difficult for people to actually interact with each other to achieve mutual understanding: because every time they would have had to re-adapt to the person and would not have been able to predict his behavior.
On the other hand, no less valuable and vital importance than the constancy of human behavior, has, on the contrary, its variability, adaptability. It shows other valuable abilities of man – his ability to adapt to changing conditions of life, to change myself as a person, if necessary. Such quality appears to be quite valuable to the individual in cases where the society is undergoing radical change, requiring each person a considerable modification of his views, attitudes, value orientation, etc. Therefore, the variability in certain circumstances must be viewed as a positive personal attribute of a person. If a person today is different than yesterday, then it develops.

Child attitude to the world, to people, to himself

Self-esteem is the Central element of voluntary self-regulation, determines the direction and activity level of the person, his attitude to the world, to people, to himself. Is a complex psychological nature of the phenomenon. It is included in many connections and relationships with all mental formations personality and acts as important determinants of all forms and kinds of its activity and communication. The origins of the ability to assess themselves are laid in early childhood, and developing and improving it occurs throughout a person’s life.
In the psychological literature, both domestic and foreign self-esteem prominently. Questions of ontogeny, structure, functions, and capabilities of the directed formation are discussed in the works of L. I. Bozhovich, I. S. Kon, M. I. Lisina, A. I. Lipkina, E. Eriksson, K. Rogers and other psychologists. Self-esteem is interpreted as personal education, directly involved in the regulation of behavior and activity, as an Autonomous personality characteristics, its Central component, formed with the active participation of the personality and reflect the uniqueness of her inner world provided for the post by International Adoption research blogger and columnist.
Leading role of self-esteem in the study of problems of self-awareness: she characterized as the core of this process, the indicator of individual level of development, its personal aspect, is organically included in the process of self-discovery. With self-esteem associated assessment functions of self discovery, incorporates the emotionally-valuable relation of personality to yourself, the specifics of understanding it myself.
The main conditions for the development of self-esteem psychologists have put forward factors such as communication with others and own activity of the child. In dealing assimilated forms, types and assessment criteria, individual experience is their approbation, the content of personal meanings. From the estimations of others, the child gradually separates out the criteria and methods of evaluation of the other and carries them to yourself. “Overlay” each other evaluation criteria and methods of evaluation and creates action by themselves.
The structure of self-esteem is represented by two components – cognitive and emotional. The first reflects the person’s knowledge about themselves, the second is his attitude as a measure of self-satisfaction.
In the activities by themselves these components are functioning in unity: in its pure form could not be submitted neither /I. I. Chesnokova/. Knowledge of himself, of the acquired entity in a social context, inevitably overtaken by emotion, the strength and tension which is determined by the significance for the individual estimated contents.
The basis of the cognitive component of self-esteem is comparing ourselves with others, comparison of their characteristics with the developed standards, record the possible mismatch of these values /L. I. Korneeva/.
At an early age in children, there is poor development of the cognitive component of self-esteem, self-image prevalent emotional component, reflecting a globally positive attitude in the child, taken from adult relationships /M. I. Lisina, 1986/.
Entering preschool age, the child realizes only the fact that it exists. Yet he really knows nothing about himself, about his qualities. Striving to be as an adult, a child three or four years does not take into account their actual capacities. He simply attributes to itself all positive, welcome older quality, often not even knowing what they are.
The development of genuine self-esteem starts with realistic assessments of their abilities, the results of its operations and specific knowledge. Less objectively in this period, children assess the quality of his personality. Preschoolers tend to overestimate themselves, that they are referred to mainly positive assessment of the adults around them.
In order to learn how to correctly evaluate yourself, the child must first learn to judge others on whom he can look from the outside. And it happens not at once. During this period, estimating contemporaries, the child simply repeats the opinions stated about them by adults. The same thing happens with the assessment itself. (“I’m good because mom says so”).
Considering self-esteem the most complex product of the conscious activity of the child, B. G. Ananiev noted that its original shape are a direct reflection of estimates of adults, and genuine self-esteem comes when she is filled with new content, due to “personal participation” in its production of the child. Developing the child’s ability to assess themselves psychologists are correlated with such phenomena as snovidenie and acceptance in the calculation /V. V. Stolin/; with the emergence of ethical instance contributing to the randomness of behavior /L. I. Bozhovich/; with the emergence of ideas about their the opportunities /H. Heckhausen/.
As intellectual development of the child is overcome explicit acceptance of estimates of adults, the process of mediation of their own knowledge.
Older preschoolers mostly are aware of their strengths and weaknesses, take into account the attitude towards them from others. It’s really important for the further development of the personality, conscious assimilation of standards of conduct and adherence to the positive samples.
By the end of preschool age the ratio of emotional and cognitive components, few harmonized. Conditions are favorable for the development of cognitive component of self-esteem, for the intellectualization of the child’s relationship to oneself, to overcome the direct impact on self-esteem from adults.
With age, the child masters more sophisticated ways of estimating, his knowledge about himself are expanding and deepening, integrate, become more aware, increasing their incentive-motivational role; emotional-value relation to itself also varies, becomes selective and acquires stability.

Learning My Family

1. Dictionary:

I. Know members of the family (noun): grandma, grandpa, father, mother, son, daughter, brother, sister, grandson, granddaughter.
To teach, correctly answer the following questions:
A) Who is the girl mom (dad)? (daughter)
B) Who’s the boy your mom (dad)? (son)
B) the girl Who the grandmother (grandfather)? (granddaughter)
D) Who the boy’s grandmother (grandfather)? (grandson)
D) Who is the girl the boy? (sister)
E) the boy Who the girl is? (brother)
E) if the family live 2 girls (2 boys), who are they to each other? (sisters, brothers).
II. Know the name and the surname of their parents and who are they for girl and boy, (dad, mom, grandma, grandpa).
III. Know who is doing what (verb): sits, stands, sleeps, draws, sews, cooks, irons, mends, washes, sews, plays, cleans, talks, cries, laughs, friends, helps, went, gone, etc.
IV. To know that each member of the family is (adjectives): big, small, senior, Junior, tender, rough, good, greedy, good, caring, hardworking, beautiful, elegant, attentive, etc. provided for the post by International Adoption research blogger and columnist.

     2. Children learn by heart:

I mom son
No mother’s daughter.
How the same mom to help me
Wash the handkerchiefs? (A. Usanova).

I love my Granny.
I don’t work am afraid.
All amazed: “well done, granddaughter!
Well done, fancy pants!” (V. Black)

Grandpa by the hand, led baby.
They were fun, went slowly.
Only with already half way
Grandson said not to go,
Sick legs and belly, –
Let his grandfather on his back will suffer. (N. Snares)

I in the morning in kindergarten are, Alenka
hand am … “this is
a real brother!” Said one
a passer-by. If people say,
So – we’re very similar.
And the girl Alenka
I don’t SIS. (B. Ivlev)

     3. Talk to your child about your family:

– with whom do you live?
– how many people in your family?
name them.
– who is the youngest (the eldest) in the family?
– who is older (younger)?

     4. Didactic game “Pick up sign”.

Mom (what?) – …
Grandma – …
Grandpa – …
Papa….

     5. Didactic game “Tell the opposite”

Senior – (Junior)
Large –
Young –
Over –

     6. Answer the question:

Anyone have good eyes? …
Whose hands are strong? …
Whose hands gentle? …

     7. To draw and to stick in the notebook picture of My family.

Parents look forward to new success

The first part of the school life is behind us – a child studied in elementary school. He had grown up. It feels adult and indulgent to those “little ones” from whom he was separated only three months ago. He is now a fifth grader!
Parents look forward to new success, the highs of achievement (or, at least, to stay on the same plank). But, alas, this is not happening. Moreover, You suddenly notice with horror that Your child has become more nervous, restless, sometimes can’t solve even those problems that just six months ago was done “immediately” if it were notebooks, pens, textbooks, and in the diary there were the first comments. This is the first time You are standing and blushing in front of You counting down the teacher…
Familiar picture? Don’t worry! With Your child everything is normal. And all the fault – adaptation period, the child simply has not had time to adjust to “adult mode”. Let’s see, what is the complexity of this period and how to avoid the “pitfalls” of which “stumble” and children, parents and teachers. Consider some of these “stones”.
Stone 1: the changing learning environment. In elementary school, the child was focused on one teacher. It had to gain credibility. Shortly after I started this teacher know Your child, how to encourage, to support, to help to understand the complex topic. The child quietly developed, acquired knowledge in ONE room, with ONE main teacher, he was surrounded by the same guys, and the requirements for job execution and maintenance of the notebooks were the SAME. It was all familiar. But the teacher practically a second mother, which will prompt and will direct.
During the transition in grade 5, the child is faced with the problem of plurality: MANY of the teachers, each subject is studied in his office, and such offices – MANY. Often at this stage children move to another school, in another class (e.g., gymnasium). To all the above then added a new team, a LOT of new guys. Familiar world is crumbling. Of course, to master all that difficult. I need to learn all new teachers, the location of all the rooms. But it takes time. And run the school have to, because no one else will recall the following lesson, and to what office it will be. And everything else, you should remember that the child needs to gain credibility for the new, and not one teacher, but many, many teachers to develop their relationship. Necessarily needs a lawyer, scared – and as a result increases anxiety provided for the post by International Adoption research blogger and columnist.
How can I help? Ask the class teacher to help to Orient the boys to some sort of tour of the school, to tell where that is. And in the classroom to post the schedule of calls and lessons, just to hang room numbers (and what floor they are). And best of all, if the first week the class teacher will meet the children at recess and bring them to the office.
Stone 2: the requirements change. Even more difficult period of adaptation inconsistent requirements of different subject teachers. One requests to have a notebook of 48 sheets, other thin notebooks, but there should be 3 pieces. The tutor requires to allocate a green pen, teacher of mathematics – pencil. English require to have a separate notebook-a dictionary of biology – everything down at the end of normal working notebook. By the literature value expressed his own thoughts, And all of these requirements need not only to LEARN but also to OBSERVE, and not get confused where what to do.
How can I help? First, to see the upside of these “rassoglasovaniya”. These “little things”, which is at first so difficult school life of the child, and bring favor. The child learns to take account of these requirements, relate them to overcome difficulties – and thus, studying adult life, where “megatraveller” – the normal things. Secondly, it teaches the child to build relationships with different people, becoming more flexible. To help children with the memorization requirements and regulations by scheduling indicating the features of executions of jobs. For example: Russian to bring a green pen, English – to bring them to class workbook, notebook-dictionary, notebook with topics, geography – can I get outline maps, colored pencils, story – home notebook to write an outline of your response.
Stone 3: lack of control. Through elementary school Your child helped one teacher. He has served as a teacher and homeroom teacher, and supervisor. Quickly learn all the peculiarities of the child, the teacher helps him to control the educational process. One child will remind you to do your homework, to another, to bring pencils, a third would forgive outstanding exercise (because he knows that the child suffers from headaches) and stay with him after school. In General, monitored the completion of all assignments by all students. When going into fifth grade this individualized approach is violated. It is like the depersonalization of the student. There’s only fifth graders in General. Each subject play a big burden and a lot of students with different Parallels. Remember all the features of all the disciples he is simply unable. Therefore the child the impression that it wouldn’t need teachers that can “pohilevich” and something to do in the mass it may go unnoticed. On the other hand, there is some “neglect” on the part of the class teacher. He is not monitoring the child’s behavior changes at all. Not fully organises leisure activities after the lessons. Hence suddenly appeared in some children regression starts to act up like a little, play with the kids (out for my first teacher) or run for class leader. While others on the contrary, rapturous intoxication of freedom of movement.
How can I help? Of course, this approach to the child can hurt You, dear parents: how so, you ought to look for an individual approach to all in the class. Of course, some truth to that, and most teachers strive. But quickly, this approach is not. And secondly, this relationship introduces the child to the adult world, where there are requirements perform a specific job, but the administration often does not take into account the individuality of the worker.
Be patient. Often ask the child about school life. Check the homework to meet the demands of teachers. Help the class teacher to organize children’s leisure, taking the strain (and the parent Committee). If you see problems, do not tighten, go to the teacher, find out why appeared difficulties. Tell us about the features of their child.
Stone 4: gaps in knowledge. During the years of primary school, almost every student accumulate undigested themes, unprocessed skills. They accumulate like a snowball. But if in elementary school these “rough edges” are smoothed individual approach of the teacher and repeated explanations as soon as it was noticed the child newsvote material (class one of the guys a little, you can manage to control all). In fifth grade, such tracking does not occur. And not having learned the subject (and not going himself immediately for clarification to the teacher or parent), the child may be unable to understand the following material. The material becomes more complicated from lesson to lesson. And if the previous topics were not learned, then the student pull on the loop, tightening the knot of ignorance. So there are two… Sometimes undigested themes drawn since elementary school. Because it is difficult to understand what material is causing the difficulty. So, for example, not learning to identify the root of the word, the child has difficulty in word-formation and the selection of cognate words. So, there will be mistakes in spelling because they will not be able to pick up the check, the words. Also may have difficulty learning because of a lack of speech development of attention and memory.
How can I help? Before the homework check, whether learned cool stuff. It is important to ensure that the child understood the smallest details of the execution of tasks and able to perform the same. Ask your child to explain how he performs a particular exercise, why this calculation applies when you perform certain tasks. If the child understands everything, but the problem is performance, we engage in the development of thinking, memory, attention, and since the observation and attentiveness, and the ability to see the smallest detail – all this will help to analysis and learning. The development of these mental processes will be best in games, because the game shows stronger motivation (than in training). Then fixed skills will be transferred to the educational situation.
In conclusion, I would like to note the following. Prolonged school failure is almost always accompanied by personal characteristics (inadequate self-esteem, increased anxiety, aggressiveness, impaired communication, etc.). Therefore, in educational practice it is important to help the child to understand his own criteria of success or failure, to develop in him a desire to test their limits and find ways to improve them (independently or with adult support).

Personal qualities of the child are a reflection of the qualities of parents

All commonly notice the child adverse events attributed to the child, sometimes even talking about his innate malice, without thinking and not knowing that the personal qualities of the child are a reflection of the qualities of parents (others). it is Innate in a child can be considered only the phenomena connected with his temperament, i.e., only the degree of force and his speed of thought and action. Then he experiences the simulation period, during which he folded his speech, all his main habits and customs, all its typical phenomena. In fact, the child must be serious the reason for the improvement of the family members, especially concerning their truthfulness, sincerity and straightforwardness: if a loving mother is concerned about their child’s development and knows from observation, as the quality of the latter are composed of the actions and arguments surrounding his party, then it certainly will be to vigilantly monitor their every action and word, to avoid any arbitrariness and to spare her child; this she will contribute to its own perfection, and full conformity between his word and deed and will accustom the baby to the truthfulness, the immediacy and sincerity and this will lay the sure Foundation for the development of the moral nature of man. In the study of man and the conditions of its formation only develops a deeper conviction of how much impact the words and actions of loved ones individuals on the developing child, and how love to work, work, and the truthfulness of the educator contribute to the moral development of the child…
Due to lack of attention, and most importantly, through ignorance commonly in a hurry to admit the existence of innate evil inclinations, eloquently talking about “irredeemably spoiled” children as though this wickedness was by itself responsible for it and the child! The impact of leadership adults somehow always remains in the shade; don’t want to believe that the “depravity” of a child of school or preschool age is the result of the system of education, which pays for one pupil. In the vast majority of cases not innate stupidity (moral or mental) child and pedagogical mistakes prepare the child for a painful future, leaving his personal manifestations and habits indelible traces of moral corruption: mental impotence.
Who does not know that the work of education (in family and in school) often comes down to the fact that child need to “learn”, and the word “learning” often mean: “to collect”, “punish”, “threatening”, etc. but otherwise cannot be, until will be received blindly, in a rut, not realizing at each step; if not to “know yourself”, not to be accustomed to associate cause and effect, the routine teaching methods compulsory nature will continue to prevail in school and in the family life…
Commonly assume that the child can and cheat: because he’s stupid, not tell; and yet the distinction of right and wrong he is in this way that he learns to check heard them visible and tangible. If he say “my mom’s not home”, and he accidentally sees her, he at the first opportunity, if he wouldn’t like, declare that he himself is not at home. The more he is deceived the more he meets in the family of mismatch of word and deed, the less it turns out for the signs of truth and the easier he starts to say only that it’s more profitable. You must firmly remember that the child originally knows only the impressions received by the organs of his senses, and he only obeys to them and acts solely on the basis of these purely real experiences; he will certainly do just what he pleased, and avoid anything that he in any respect unpleasant. From the child tend to hide, but if he sees that others are enjoying something, and he’s not allowed, he during the first occasion, will assign him an interesting thing, if it’s bad, then and in any such case, will not fail to do the same thing. Being caught in his misdeeds and punished for it, he, again on the experience, sees that it is necessary to be careful and that it is cheaper to use every opportunity in a way that is not seen and did not know; he is trying to be a smart guy and enjoys the easy cases are already more cautious, more reserved provided for the post by International Adoption research blogger and columnist. The punishment can’t find him objective evidence of truth, it will only show him that you don’t get caught – good and fall – evil and having the opportunity to make someone evil, he did just that, as treated in the punishment.
…In addition to simple, always sincere and true words, can’t be allowed neither in the family nor in the school no incentives, no punishments. Commonly accustom the child to artificial irritation of the surplus since the advent of the light, and these contribute to the lowering of their impressionability, and hindered the normal course of its development. Baby is worn on the hand, shake it, put different monotonous tunes, his kiss, counterfeited them under the spoken sounds, – all this is artificial stimuli. When after all this begins the teaching, the child is sluggish, apathetic, and lazy; he is complaining for his indifference to the practice, but all are made to lower its vitality, to make him lethargic and sluggish. To excite him for learning, again resorted to artificial agents in the form of praise, grades, gifts and awards. Developed under such conditions fatigue causes a young man’s pursuit of change experiences, the patisserie is the prelude to the wine cellar and sprees, just as mark and promotion develop a desire for different sports, card game, etc jammed intolerable boredom, he is ready to enjoy all the persecution and gross sensual fun, just to drown out his depressing feeling. He has no internal life, he is excited by thought and not busy mental to improve. The young man blame for his rude and perverse temper, completely losing sight of the reasons that contributed to its development, forgetting that only the conditions of his family and school life could contribute to the development of those typical phenomena that he observed that they killed the ideological life and some animals developed symptoms…
The importance of the habits acquired at an early age, tremendous, to get rid of them later is very difficult, and sometimes not full-grown adults. Under normal conditions of child development when it does not restrict the permanent regulations, which are different from observation, and now repeats them noticed the action and then talks over him. This is the best method of child development that must be maintained; a child more than just stops on those phenomena, which he is. He notices them, they are not imposed upon him, consistent with his forces and abilities, and therefore it is easier for them to digest. In the child it is impossible to artificially develop observation, we can only eliminate all sorts of strong impact, which could decrease its sensitivity; moreover, you can still contribute to a gradual modification of the material required for its formation. Any artificial method used to excite the observation of the child, lacking the first moment, and that is: he’s not himself encountering new phenomena, and his attention stopped on the phenomena they wish to meet. In this case, it is easy to fall into the error the assessment of the strength of the child and its preparation, as any such discrepancy leads to the fact that the child internalizes not enough perceived… Following the observation, the child repeats what has made him a stronger impression; this repetition he becomes accustomed to the various techniques that are used in everyday life. At artificial same proucevanje these techniques and activities the child chooses, they produced the action, and simulates required of him: it is clear that such requirements may not correspond to the degree of physical development of the child and the ability to produce such …
After observation and repetition is commonly observed child willingly speaks on the perceived value and repeated them; it’s a precious quality and mainly contributes to its formation and to limit the arbitrariness of his actions and the clarification of personal qualities. Commonly find that the child needs only to perform addressed to him the requirements that he needs to gain material and knowledge for its future activities. Can’t it agree on the basis of the following psychological situation: it depends on how the person relates to certain phenomena when you first meet them, accordingly, most likely, he will relate to them and subsequently. If he early learned not to talk over their experiences and actions, he subsequently very difficult to get used. The knowledge it develops their memory, which sharpens up the exercise that it is easier to perceive this mental ability; he is not used and is not able to reason it stay a raw material that is not digested reasoning. Without analysis and reasoning, without checking their actions, the child is not personally acquainted with qualities perceived, therefore, he himself is not able to deduce the General provisions, unable to make up the total image; it has no General concepts, he knows, but does not understand. Therefore, to independently modify his actions, he is not able and only repeats what he knows, what he heard read from the book; he has no personal nature, and for the development of moral character there are no conditions.

To prove parental authority permanent link

Probably just uncomfortable in the family before children to prove parental authority permanent link to public authority, requiring proper upbringing of the child. Education of children begins with the age when no logical proof and the presentation of public rights impossible, and yet impossible without the authority of the teacher.
Finally, the very meaning of authority in the fact that it does not require any evidence that it is accepted as the undoubted advantage of the older, his power and value, visible, so to speak, a simple children’s eye.
The father and mother in the eyes of the child should have this authority. We often hear the question: what to do with the child, if he does not listen? Here it is the “does not listen” is the sign that the parents in his eyes have no credibility.
Where does parental authority, how it is organized?
Those parents whose children “do not obey”, sometimes inclined to think that authority is given by nature that it takes a special talent. If no talent, can’t help it, we can only envy those who have such talent. These parents are mistaken. The authority can be arranged in every family, and it’s not even very difficult provided for the post by International Adoption research blogger and columnist.
Unfortunately, there are parents who organize such authority on false grounds. They strive to ensure that their children obey, it is their goal. But actually this is a mistake. Authority and obedience cannot be the goal. Goal can be only one: the right education. Only for this one purpose we should strive. Children’s obedience can be only one path to this goal. Those parents who are the real goals of education don’t think, achieve obedience for the obedience. If the children obedient, parents life is calmer. This is the most calm and is their real objective. In fact always work out that neither calm nor obedience is not stored for a long time. Credibility, built on false grounds, only for a very short time helps, soon everything is destroyed, there is no authority nor obedience. It also happens that the parents achieve obedience, but all other goals of education in pen: grow up, really obedient, but weak people.
There are many varieties of such false authority. We consider here more or less in detail a dozen of these varieties. I hope that after this review it will be easier to figure out what should be the real authority.
The authority of suppression. This is the worst kind of authority although not the most harmful. Most such authority of fathers suffer. If the father of the house always growling, always angry at every trifle dismayed thunder, at every convenient and inconvenient case grabs a stick or a belt, on each question is answered by rudeness, every fault of the child notes a punishment, it is the authority of suppression. Such paternal terror is terrorizing the family, not only children but also the mother. It is harmful not only because it intimidates the children, but also because it makes the mother zero essence ,which can only be a servant. No need to prove how harmful such authority. He did not educate, it only teaches children to stay away from scary daddy, it causes infant lies, and human cowardice, and at the same time, it educates the child cruelty. The clogged and weak-willed children come then or slushy, the worthless people, or tyrants, throughout his life for avenging a repressed childhood. This is the wildest sort of authority only happens in very uncultured parents and lately, thankfully, dying out.
The credibility of distance. There are fathers and mothers who seriously are convinced that children obey, we need less talk to them, be kept away, only occasionally to act as his superiors. Was particularly fond of this kind in some of the old intelligentsia families. Here very often the father of some separate office, from which he occasionally displayed, as the high priest. He eats separately, having fun separately, even the order entrusted to him the family he passes through the mother. There is such a mother: they have their own life, their interests, their thoughts. Children are run by grandmothers or even the housekeeper. Needless to say that such authority does not bring any benefit, and the family cannot reasonably be called an organized family.
The credibility of swagger. This is a special kind of authority range, but poilue, more harmful. Each person has their merits. But some people believe that they are the most honored, the most important figures, and show the importance of every step, and show to their children. Even at home, they strut and puff up more than the work they do is talking about their advantages, they are arrogant to other people. It happens very often that, astonished at this view of the father, beginning there to swagger and children. Before my friends, they too appear as nothing but boastful word, at each step repeating: my dad – the chief, my dad — a writer, my dad is the commander, my dad is a celebrity. In this atmosphere of arrogance important dad can not understand where are his children and whom he educates. Encountered such authority and mothers: some special dress, important knowledge, a trip to the resort – this all gives them a reason to swagger, to separate from other people and from their own children.
The credibility of pedantry. In this case, the parents pay more attention to children, more work but work as bureaucrats. They believe that children need every parent to listen to the word with trepidation that their word is sacred. His orders they give a cold tone, and once it is given, it immediately becomes law. Such parents fear most is the children will not think that dad made a mistake that daddy man is not solid. If you like this Papa said, “Tomorrow it will rain, shouldn’t walk”, then at least tomorrow and good weather, yet it is believed that walking is impossible. Dad did not like some the motion picture, he forbade the children to go to the movies, including good pictures. Dad punished child, then he discovered that the child was not so guilty as it seemed at first – the Pope will not cancel his punishment: once I said, as it should be. Every day enough for such a case the Pope, in every movement of the child he sees a violation of law and order and stick to it with new laws and regulations. The life of a child, his interests, his growth this Pope pass by unnoticed; he sees nothing but his bureaucratic commanding position in the family.
The authority of reasoning. In this case, the parents literally seize child’s life the endless homilies and edifying conversations. Instead of saying the child a few words, maybe even in a playful tone, the parent leans him against himself and starts boring and annoying speech. Such parents believe that teaching is the main pedagogical wisdom. In such a family is always a little joy and smiles. Parents are struggling to be virtuous, they want to the kids to be infallible. But they forget that children are not adults, that children have their own life and that this life should be respected. A child lives more emotionally, more passionately than an adult, it is least able to engage in reasoning. Habit of thinking comes to him gradually and slowly, and the constant ranting of the parents, their constant sudene and talkativeness are almost completely in their minds. In the even children can not see any authority.
The authority of love. This is the most common type of false authority. Many parents are convinced that children are listened to, loved, parents, and to deserve that love, you need every step of the way to show the children his parental love. A gentle word, endless kiss, affection, recognition showered on the children in absolutely excessive quantities. If the child does not obey, he immediately asked: “So you dad don’t like?” Parents jealously watching the expression of children’s eyes and need tenderness and love. Often the mother when the child tells friends: “He loves daddy and loves scary to me, he’s such a gentle child…”
This family is so immersed in a sea of sentimentality and tender feelings that already anything else does not notice. Unnoticed by the parents are many important details of family upbringing. The child must do for the love of the parents.
In this line many dangerous places. Here grows family selfishness. Children, of course, do not have the strength for such love. Very soon they notice that mom and dad everywhere you want to cheat, just need to do it with a gentle expression. Mom and dad can even bully, you only get cocky and show that love begins to take place. Since small years the child begins to understand that people can be podygryvanii. And since he cannot love as much and other people, we play along to them without any love, with a cold and cynical calculation. Sometimes it happens that the love of parents is saved for a long time, but all other people are seen as foreign and alien to him no sympathy, no sense of camaraderie.
This is a very dangerous view of authority. He grows insincere and deceitful egoists. And very often the first victims of this selfishness become parents themselves.
The authority of kindness. This is the most stupid kind of authority. In this case, the obedience of children is also provided through children’s love, but she invoked more than kisses and confidences, and pliability, softness and kindness of parents. Dad or mom speak to the child in the image of the good angel. They are allowed, they are not sorry, they are not stingy, they are wonderful parents. They are afraid of any conflicts, they prefer family world, they are ready to sacrifice anything, if only all was well. Very soon in such a family children just beginning to command the parents, parental resistance opens up the widest space for children’s wishes, whims, demands. Sometimes the parents can afford some resistance, but already late, the family had already formed a harmful experience.
The authority of friendship. Quite often even children were not born, and between the parents already have an agreement: our children will be our friends. In General it is a good thing. Father and son, mother and daughter can be friends and should be friends, but the parents are still older members of the family collective, and the children are still students. If a friendship reaches the far limits, raising stops or starts the opposite process: the kids start to educate parents. Such families have sometimes seen among the intelligentsia. In these families, the children call their parents Petka or Mary, mocking, roughly pluck, teach at every step, neither of which obedience cannot be and speeches. But there is no friendship, because no friendship is impossible without mutual respect. [5 p. 189-214]
What should be true of parental authority in the family?
The main justification for parental authority only and can be the life and work of parents, their civilians, their behavior. The family is a large and responsible business, run by parents and a responsibility to society, to their happiness and life before children. If the parents are doing this business honestly, reasonably, if they are significant and excellent goals if they always give a full account for their actions and deeds, it means that they have parental authority, and do not need to seek any other reason and especially not need to invent anything artificial.
As soon as children begin to grow up, they always ask where the father or mother, what is their social status. As early as possible they should learn what we live, how we want, with whom stand near their parents. His father or mother must speak to the child as a serious, respectable business. The merits of parents in the eyes of children must first and foremost be merit to the society, intrinsic value, and not just appearance.
Thus it is necessary to remember always that every human activity has its own voltage and dignity. In any case, parents should not introduce yourself to the children as Champions in their field, as an incomparable genius. Children need to see and the merits of other people, and definitely merits closest friends father and mother. Civil authority of parents get to this height, if it is not the authority upstarts or bouncer, and the authority member of the team. If you manage to bring up her son so that he would be proud of a whole plant where dad works, if it will please the success of this plant, then you raised him right.
But you are not a citizen. You are a father. And parental your case you have to perform as best as possible, and here is the root of your authority. And first of all you should know, than there lives, wondered what likes, what likes, what she wants and does not want your child. You should know with whom he is friends with who in what games plays, reads, and perceives as read. When he goes to school, you should know as it relates to the school and to the teachers, what are his difficulties, how he behaves in class. This is all you need to know always, from the very early age of your child. You no need to suddenly learn about a variety of troubles and conflicts, you have to anticipate and warn.
All you need to know, but this does not mean that you can chase your son’s constant and annoying questions, cheap and Intrusive spying. From the beginning you have to put the case that the children themselves also told you about his works that they wanted to tell you that they are interested in your knowledge. Sometimes you have to invite friends of the son, even to treat them with something, sometimes you have to visit the family, where have these comrades, you should have first opportunity to get acquainted with this family.
All this does not require much time for attention to children and to their lives.
And if you have such knowledge and such attention, it will not pass unnoticed for your children. Kids love this knowledge and respect their parents for it.
The authority of knowledge will lead to the authority aid. In the life of every child there are many cases when he doesn’t know what to do when he needs advice and help. Maybe he asks you for help, because I don’t know how to do that, you must come with.
Often this assistance can be provided direct to the Council, sometimes in jest, sometimes in order, sometimes even in the order. If you know your child’s life, you will see how to proceed in the best way. Often, this assistance needs to be provided in a special way. Need is either to take part in the children’s game, or meet comrades of children, or to visit the school and talk with the teacher. If your family several children, and this is the happiest case, to the fact such assistance can be attracted by older brothers and sisters.
Parental assistance should not be Intrusive, annoying, tiresome. In some cases it is absolutely necessary to provide the child out of the shitter, he needs to get used to overcome obstacles and resolve more complex issues. But it is necessary to see how the child performs this operation cannot be allowed to he lost his way and fell into despair. Sometimes even necessary that the child saw your alertness, attention and confidence in his forces.
Authority assistance, careful and attentive management will happily supplemented by the authority of knowledge. The child will feel your presence next to him, your reasonable care, your insurance, but at the same time, he will know that you something require you to and not going to do everything for him, to take his responsibility.
It is the line of responsibility is the next important line of parental authority. In any case, the child should not think that your leadership of the family and they have your pleasure or entertainment. He should know that you are responsible not only for ourselves but for him to society. Do not be afraid to openly and firmly say to the son or daughter that they brought up that they need to have a lot to learn that they should grow up to be good citizens and good people that parents are responsible for achieving this goal that they are not afraid of this responsibility. In this line of responsibility lie the beginning of not only assistance but also demands. In some cases, this requirement must be expressed in the most severe form which is not supposing objections. By the way, I must say that such a requirement only and can be done with advantage, if the authority is liable has already been created in the view of the child. Even in the very small age he should feel that his parents do not live together with him on a desert island. [6 p. 53]
The authority will need. It is necessary to distinguish true authority from false authority, based on artificial principles and seeking to create obedience by any means.