First of all, I was aware of its duality and inconsistency

I was looking for books that would tell me about God all that was known
about It to other people, starting with a modest library of my father (then she
seemed quite sufficient). First, I came across quite traditional
works. I did not find any author who would think independently, while
stumbled upon "Christian dogma" of Setovaniya 1869. I
learned that religion is "a work of the spirit", "self-determination of man in a relationship with
God." With this it was difficult for me to accept because I understood religion as
something that God does with me - it was Him work, He's the strongest
side, while I just obey. My "religion" was not aware of man's connection with
God, for how can a man be connected with Someone that you know so little? I
be first to know Him.
 The Setovaniya in the Chapter "On the nature of God" I read that God is
"being that we should imagine by analogy with the human "I", but
this "I" is unique, perfect, universal".
 As I understand it, this definition does not contradict the Bible. God
peculiar personality and consciousness of Itself as the universe, just as
my "I" is spiritual and physical being. But here lurked a serious
obstacle. Individuality, I was thinking, clearly
assumes the character; the same character is what distinguishes you from others (you
are one and others are not); in other words, it implies
some certain qualities. But if God is everything, then how can It be
in nature, different from others? If He has the character, His "I" is subjective
and limited. And finally, what kind of character? This is the main question - and
if you don't know the answer, you are not able to define their attitude towards
Him.
 Imagining God by analogy with them, I felt a strong internal
resistance. This analogy seemed to me if not blasphemous, then,
at least, crippling overconfidence. Yes and with my own "I"
it wasn't easy. First of all, I was aware of its duality
and inconsistency. In both manifestations of my "I" was extremely limited,
easily fell into the deception and depended on moods, emotions and passions. It
knew a lot more defeats than victories, it has been immaturity,
selfishness, stubbornness, it is required  love and pity, was
unfair and too sensitive, lazy and irresponsible, etc.
He lacked many qualities and talents that I have found from others and
admired without envy. How could it be that by analogy,
which will give me the opportunity to imagine the nature of God?
 I actively searched for other characteristics of God, but found only something
like the list, such as the one that I once made up before
confirmation. I found that according to par. 172 "the most directly
reflects the transcendental nature of God:
 1) negativ: Its invisibility to men, etc., as well as
 2) positiv: His being in heaven, etc."
 It was a failure: in front of me immediately appeared blasp