All in the family the child is treated as “small”

“independence” is one of the main conflicts between parents and children

A sense of adulthood – the primary tumor of adolescence.

     From the outside the teenager changes nothing: studying in the same school (unless, of course, parents are suddenly transferred to another), living in the same family. All in the family the child is treated as “small”. Much he does himself, and many do not allow parents, which still have to obey. Parents fed, watered, clothed their child, and for the good (from their point of view) behavior, and may even “reward (again, at their discretion). Real adulthood is far away, but want! Change they yet have nothing, but apparently imitate adults. Hence there appear the attributes of “pseudotranslate”: Smoking cigarettes, hanging out at the entrance, a trip outside the city (external manifestation “I also have my personal life”). Copying any relationship. For example, if the family do not respect any of its members, it will also do the son (daughter). And no words like “Elders must be respected!” will not help. The child will simply reflect, as a mirror, as Your relationship problems. If (God forbid!) in families with a child cursing, then he will swear the same to You, using Your own words. But still wonder: “Why can You and not for me? Because I’m an adult!”

But in the copy relationship is a positive thing. Because external copying adult relationships is a kind of a busting roles, games that occur in life. You have the option of adolescent socialization. And where else can you practice in your family? Perhaps You have noticed how often the teenager changes his behavior today, is kind and gentle, tomorrow – mannered, and next week – hooligan “as a neighbor’s Vova”. One of the Teens entering life marked in a variety of ways (driving the household to insanity). Some, on the contrary, is expressed in caring for others.

The appearance of a teenager is another source of conflict. Changing your gait, manners, appearance. A kind of social mimicry in the teenage environment. Thus the adolescents expressed the need for security. Not to stand out among the others, otherwise you will be laughed at. And kids can be very cruel to not like the others.

     Internally, the following happens. The teenager appears has its own position. He considers himself to have enough adults and treated as adults. This is manifested in the following:

1. Wish that all (teachers, parents) treated him like an equal, an adult. But it will not confuse, what rights it requires more than taking on responsibilities. And be responsible for something the teenager is not willing (except in words).

2. The desire for independence. And according to this monitoring and assistance is rejected. Increasingly, the teenager can be heard: “I know!” (This so reminds malyshovom “I do!”). And parents have to accept and try to teach their children responsible for their actions. It is useful to them through life. Unfortunately, such “independence” is one of the main conflicts between parents and children at this age.

3. The emergence of own tastes and opinions, evaluations, line of conduct (the most striking is the appearance of addiction to certain kinds of music). We must remember that our children want to grow up quickly, and also different from us, parents. And have “your” mistakes that we once did ourselves. But who believes a word? Times are changing rapidly. And with them our children. What was in fashion at one time, considered to be “retro” to another. This also applies to attitudes, and behavior, and other things. Each generation in its own way expresses the belonging to his own time. Try to understand their children. To listen their point of view and arguments. You may not entirely agree with them. But it will be another opportunity for you to teach them how to defend their opinion, competent to argue. But if they will be able to defend your position, is that so bad?

4. Compliance with the moral code of mateship, which is the same everywhere, and from a culture and country. The code is expressed in a clear style of behavior towards peers provided for the post by International Adoption research blogger and columnist. But it is important in a relationship are:

– mutual support

– assist in

– emotional comfort in communication

– confidentiality

– you cannot criticize

– you cannot teach

– not jealous

– respect the internal world of another

With those who do not respect these rules of the Association, can be very cruel. They may be “rejected” all and suffer persecution.